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If 2020 were a speed bump.

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  1. Brian6660:18
  2. Robbos0:19
  3. Surreal_Heidi0:21
  4. Ianto0:21
  5. JennyG660:22
  6. robf0:26
  7. jen70:29
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  10. Best11540:38

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Juba1010

My tongue

msbonne

Juba, did you swallow something?

Juba1010

Mmmmphf

msbonne

I think it best if I get some rest.

:::looking up with helpless eyes:::


And someone will need to organize this :::gesturing towards repair kit items from hippo strewn about:::

I need to fix my brain.

Mischka

We were obviously writing at the same time.


:::looking up with an impossible not to want to help look on my face, whilst extending my arms:::

Will you help poor little old me?


Of course I will, I'm your devoted Nurse Mischka. And my beautiful, kind sisters are on their way to the compound, so that we can rotate shifts.

I'll take your arms and help you up. Which part of the compound to you wish to go to? Or do you think you need to go to bed?

Mischka

Hoff, someone sent you a hologram. I am *not* twirling and flinging snakes, though the image is hilarious. The poor, beautiful dark-grey young snake was in shock, and I cuddled it up to my warmth, and walked quite slowly, and I really hope it slithered away.

However, I entirely can see why you thought me cruel, because you are in the midst of trebuchet hurlings and flingings, and my patient is lying on the ground with possibly ouchy stuff strewn about!

Mr. Hoff, I was planning to go to sleep, but do you need a nurse on duty right now?

msbonne

Nurse, thank goodness you are here.....


:::looking up with an impossible not to want to help look on my face, whilst extending my arms:::

Will you help poor little old me?

Mischka

Good heavens, I leave for a little bit, and I find all kinds of chaos and mayhem!

msbonne

:::laying on ground, contents or trebuchet launch strewn about:::


Ouchie.

hippo

:::Sending more brain-ready duct tape, WD-40 and a copy of the instruction manual by trebuchet:::

Duck this time, Hoff...

QUICKER!!

msbonne

:::looking about the flooded area, desperately searching for an Expand-a-brain repair kit:::


:::watching in horror as Mischka twirls a grass snake around and around like a lasso, then flings it at a wall. Snake bounces off top of wall and falls to ground::;

Mischka

Poor Hoff!

My beloved @hippo, @robf has it right:

"Mischka enters maternal instinct mode"

I adore horses, and can actually ride (though Heidi blows me out of the water). I would never ever harm a horse, except maybe through pampering. American racing Thoroughbred trainer D. Wayne Lukas? Who runs horses into the ground, so that they're useless after the year's Derby? Him, I would cheerfully harm.

I love animals so much that when I found my cat snatching a grass snake in the back yard yesterday, I gently took it from his jaws and carried it over to a neighbor's yard. It was small, and I think Mama snake has already been Feline-ocided.

We are friends. I will always send you fresh produce from Florida's wonderful horse country.

msbonne

:::getting up, soaking wet:::

THAT was a short, yet severe rainstorm...…..

rswestley

Now that is exactly why I like Jigidi. I'm always learning something new. A big thanks today goes to (Hey) Juba for a new word. "trebuchet"... which I learned means "three bouquets" in French.... used in a sentence: "when the French Foreign Legion laid siege to Fort Thigh in the middle of Lapland, they used a barrage of three bouquets to destroy Fort Thigh's parapet." (and these were not "bargain" bouquets. These bouquets were upgraded with the best baby's breath and Queen Anne's Lace available.... The poor Lappers didn't stand a chance....

robf

Hippo, be sure to keep those plans quiet...

or you may find a dominating companion shoving into your bunker :((

hippo

Thanks, Juba. Glad you have my interests at heart! But I have no fear of sweet Fiona.

:::quietly drawing up plans for equine bunker stables:::

Juba1010

Careful hippo. I’m sure Fiona has the means to fashion a trebuchet. And she’s closer to you than I am. Just the pond between you.

hippo

I don't THINK Fi... uh Fifi...erm, Fiona is Scotch, I think she's Californi - um - Floridian. I know Hoff likes her to, you know, be severe, but knocking out? Really?

Juba1010

I think he prefers scotch for knocking out. It might add to the blaze though.

hippo

What, knock him out with an extingisher? I was just trying to put out the fire...

Juba1010

There’s a lot of fat in a Hoffs brain. Might need a class C extinguisher.

hippo

Hoff, you used third party enhancements didn't you?? What have I told you about going to too many parties???

:::Sending over water bombs to extinguish Hoff's brain-fire:::

rswestley

This speed bump, (often called the "Jimmy Hoffa burrito"), is a favorite vacation spot for retired cadaver dogs

robf

Checking out the bump for a body, these days, could be an invitation to become the filling in the next bump over. It's a long road.

petslave

I am beginning to think there might be a body buried under there. Someone should check it out. That speed bump is just too abnormally high. :)

robf

(( Mischka enters maternal instinct mode, and prepares to dial up the schoolmarm presence as needed ))

(( Many others see this as a real threat ))

(( Mischka smiles inside, satisfied that her composure is winning the day ))

msbonne

hippo?


HIPPO!!!!


I need some brain maintenance.

::smoke still coming out of Hoff's ears:::

hippo

Don't worry, Fiona loves horses, she wouldn't...

...uh oh...

:::leaping the nearest fence and galloping full pelt into the distance:::

rswestley

zzzzzzzitttt! uh oh, hippo... I hear a light sabre warming up in the background

hippo

:::checking fences for jumping out of trouble if necessary:::

So I am guessing Fifi is a no-no as well? Or Fiona-trixie-lovebubble?

OK, I shall stick to Fiona then, as you wish, as long as you don't call me Hippy, or Hips - fair deal??

Juba1010

Careful hippo. My little 4ft10 inch grandmother threatened to rip the kids arm off and beat them with the bloody stump....

Mischka

Now Rob.

Dearest hippo, anyone who calls me Fi will be left with one fore-hoof with which to type Fiona correctly. :)

Hoff, I believe in the scholarship method. If you need one, you shall receive one.

msbonne

I kinda need one of those Mischka.

hippo

careful, Fi, he is only after your wheels...

Mischka

Sweet man, if they had given me either, I would be happy to gift it to you. I am a lifelong pedestrian and am quite happy not to drive in Miami.

If they had given me two, I would happily gift the other to a desirous and worthy recipient.

Good night for now...

rswestley

I hope everyone got a free Bugatti at the close of the conference. ummmm.... if they gave you a Centodieci or a La Voiture Noire... will you marry me?

Mischka

@rswestley -- that's remarkable, I also keep my "Tach-Matter Labs" t-shirt in a special safe place. It's from a Bugatti-sponsored conference I attended on scientific attempts to speed up matter to hyper-velocities.

msbonne

Ah yes, the Alaska 47. A fine whiskey distilled right there in Alaska. You are fortunate to have it TIM.

rswestley

For anyone who remembered it was Sheb Wooley who had the #1 hit "Purple People Eater" in the late 50's... you have won a gift certificate from the Mayo Clinic for the removal of one eye. In addition, if you live in a large metropolitan area, "Purple Lives Matter" will provide free purple epidermal transcoloration. (Being old fashioned, I still prefer people in the old black & white format)

And yes, at the urging of my wife, I have safely tucked my "Black Labs Matter" t-shirt (standard issue for persons involved with dog rescue groups) between the mattresses of my bed.... right next to my AK-47

msbonne

Discoveries in mountain climbing

Juba1010

Adventures in babysitting.

msbonne

Juba? JUBA!!!!

Oh dear, I fear the crazies have gotten her.

Juba1010

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin' purple people eater
"I like short shorts"
Flyin' little people eater
What a sight to see! (Purple People?)

msbonne

There are times, even with my custom titanium keyboard with the claw spaced letters, that I simply get too excited by the comment that I no longer actually care what letter I hit. I am, of course, humble enough to admit that.

robf

Hoff, yes you van, and no, Scotch is silent.
You are entitled to the aaa humble upgrade, IMHO (oops).

msbonne

Ok, taking all of this highly scientific information, sending short short to all the females, what other preparations do we need to make to swap planets? Are we going to dock with the new planet to make the transfer, do we have to jump? Van I bring beef jerky? is Scotch allowed? Is the a humble upgrade available?

Mischka

@robf I sure would. :)

Mischka

Lol! I was expecting someone to crack wise about that. The term was coined by a male editor, and I'm sure all the other male editors and writers loved it and joked about it. And the women, too, when they got into the boys' club. The science fiction crowd tend to be just as bawdy as any other clique (as I'm sure you know).

rswestley

Mischka, I can't honestly say I am impressed with Fredric Brown, even if he was famous for his short-shorts. You have to remember I am a crotchety old dinosaur that dropped out of politically correct school and I say guys in short-shorts bad. Girls in short-shorts good.

robf

Wouldn't we like to see some people do what Placet does.

Mischka

Fredric Brown has a funny story, "Placet is a Crazy Place," from 1946. "A man attempts to manage a research station on a planet in a distant system, where the weird laws of physics cause people to have hallucinations for 4 hours a day, and where birds composed of dense matter flying through the dense matter bedrock destroy the foundations of any building."

Here's a pirated copy (with a few typos): https://e-libra.ru/read/592890-placet-is-a-crazy-place.html

Brown was famous for his short-shorts, which would run about 1 page or less. The collection of his Best Of is just one of the greatest books ever.

A quote:

You see, the rotation of Placet isn't an even fraction of the period of its orbit and there's the Blakeslee Field in the middle between the suns—a field in which light rays slow down to a crawl and get left behind and if you've not read the Blakeslee reports on Placet, hold on to something, while I tell you this: Placet is the only known planet that can eclipse itself twice at the same time, run headlong into itself every forty hours, and then chase itself out of sight.

robf

OK then, make it Neptune. Plenty of room to breathe (hydrogen, helium & methane: squeaky voice parties).

A trapezoidal path would mean everyone & everything not bolted down, getting thrown off the planet four times a year as Earth rounded a corner... plus alternate scorching & freezing times. But people would have more interest in geometry; might that be a good thing?

rswestley

ron, all this unearthia stuff is well beyond my expertease. If earth is moving in an angular unearthia path around the sun, does that mean earth is now moving in a trapezoidal path? and we are distined to crash into Saturn's Used Planet Emporium? I guess that's not all bad. It's about time we traded earth in for a different planet

robf

rsw, you are correct. However it is also the moving equivalent of angular inertia.

Juba1010

This is next door to the muffler shop.

rswestley

Hoff, it's true Spam withdrawal does give me the shakes, which is why in WWII the Army Air Corps wanted me to advise them when they bombed Nagishaky... that may be where the confusion lies.

Surreal_Heidi

Interesting way of disposing of unwanted spouses. Turn 'em into speed bumps.

I suspect this isn't a speed bump. It's a barrier to keep out traffic.

msbonne

I could have sworn TIM, that you always had Spam shakes. I guess maybe you where just having Spam withdrawals when I last saw you.

Juba1010

Funny John. When I first saw this I thought that’s what they did with the last speeder that they killed to death.

rswestley

This is a common sight in arid portions of the world, like in Arizona where lakes are on the endangered species list. With the shortage of lakes, the local Mafioso had to give up using "cement overshoes" and began using "asphalt burritos" as pictured here. A professionally made asphalt burrito will not groan when a car passes over it

rswestley

rob, I see nothing depressing about angular momentum. My favorite type of milkshakes are made in a blender using angular momentum (the rotational equivalent of linear momentum) .... but not chocolate. I prefer the position vector/momentum vector flavor with just a hint of torque

robf

High time to buy stock in shock absorber manufacturers.

For Mischka, and all others who are close to "tilt" today.
Depressingly accurate slogan seen on a 2" round pin-it-on-your-shirt button:
Angular momentum makes the world go round.

petslave

A Humvee can climb that baby with no problem. Every other car made will have some serious damage on the undersides.

msbonne

True Mischka.

4WD will not protect you from a hurtling sloth Maddy

Mischka

Sloths are renowned for their momentum, I guess.

Ms_Maddy

I drive a 4WD.

msbonne

I would certainly hope so, if we came barreling through, there is no way we could stop before running them down and killing them to death.

Mischka

They would probably move out of the way of any sloths.

msbonne

They would have to leap quite high.

Mischka

Leaping lizards!

msbonne

Bit of a climb, but nothing I can't handle.

hippo

I approve. Another foot higher and ALL the cars woul have to go away and leave the route for ponies and other suitable equines.

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