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So this is the new year.... and I don't feel any different

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I know, I know.... this is a few days late, but I think it is never too late to look back at some of the more memorable moments of MMXIX, the 2019th year of Anno Domini (AD), the 19th year of the 3rd millennium and third complete year of TIM annoying the residents of Jigidiland. In 2019 Spam celebrated it's 92nd birthday, it has been 3 years since personality #4 left me to live in a more active brain and the United Nations General Assembly designated 2019 as the "International Year of the Periodic Table of Chemical Elements"... and the U.N. proposed adding pizza and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups to the Periodic Table of Elements

January 28 – The U.S. Justice Department charges Chinese tech firm Huawei with multiple counts of fraud. The charge of "fraud" makes the executives of Huawei eligible to run for congress in the next U.S. election

February 20 – A major fire in Dhaka, Bangladesh kills at least 78 bangles
February 27–28 – The 2019 North Korea–United States summit is held in Hanoi, Vietnam. The summit ends abruptly when a squabble breaks out between United States President Donald Trump and the North Korean Chairman Kim Jong-un as they argue who will get to play Han Solo in the next Star Wars movie

March 12 – Cargo ship 'Grande America' sinks after it caught fire on March 10 in the Bay of Biscay. Two weeks later, the cargo ship is renamed 'NOT so Grande America'
March 31 – Taiwan scrambles its fighter aircraft after two Chinese jets crossed a maritime border between the two nations. Paramount Pictures forgot to tell Taiwan they were filming "Top Gun 2"

April 10 - Scientists from the Event Horizon Telescope project announce the first ever image of a black hole, located in the centre of the M87 galaxy. --- The scientists have a good laugh when they reveal it was a belated April fools joke

May 1 - King Maha Vajiralongkorn of Thailand marries Suthida Tidjai – a commoner – making her the monarch with the most difficult name to pronounce (Suthida Tidjai-Vajiralongkorn). Three linguists attending the ceremony are rushed to the hospital to have knots removed from their tongues
May 30 – The 2019 Cricket World Cup begins at 8:00am in England and Wales. At 8:37am the 2019 Cricket World Cup is cancelled due to the lack of interest (a Pee Wee Herman movie marathon was being aired in Great Britain)

June 7 – British Prime Minister Theresa May resigns as leader of the Conservative Party and gets a "real" job as an Uber driver
June 14 – Jane Goodall, British primatologist, is awarded the 2019 Luxembourg Prize. After 59 years of working in the Gombe Stream National Park in Tanzania, Goliath, one of Goodall's chimps, has finally been house broken... unfortunately there are no restrooms in the Gombe National Park. After 5 days of not peeing, Goliath explodes

July – The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) reports that July 2019 was the hottest month on record globally and was pleased to announce the Atlantic Ocean, Arctic Ocean and Indian Oceans still have water. Whether there is still water in the Pacific ocean is still being researched
July 1 - The International Candied Fruit Agency confirms that Iran has breached the limit on its stockpile of fruit cakes.
July 24 – Boris Johnson becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom after defeating Jeremy Hunt in a Chris Farley look-alike contest
July 26 – August 11 – The 2019 Pan American Games are held in Lima, Peru.... nobody told Peru that Pan American Airways filed for bankruptcy in 1991

August 18 – 100 activists, officials, and other concerned citizens in Iceland hold a funeral for Okjökull glacier (a glacier in western Iceland), that was declared dead in 2014 by glaciologist Oddur Sigurðsson. Following the funeral, they tried to give Okjökull glacier a burial at sea but the glacier would not sink. Since the failure of the Okjökull glacier 'funeral', the recommended way to dispose of a dead glacier is by cremation

September 20 – An international strike and protest led by young people and adults is held three days before the latest UN Climate Summit. The protestors are demanding a more effective sun screen antiperspirant.
September 22 – Nearly three weeks after Hurricane Dorian makes landfall on The Bahamas, the official death toll stands at 52 and 1,300 are reported missing. The missing 1300 Bahamans were later found in the lost and found department of a local Walmart

October 18 - NASA astronauts Jessica Meir and Christina Koch conduct the first all-female spacewalk outside of the International Space Station. During the spacewalk, Jessica Meir found a new pair of shoes in Walmart and Christina Koch had a McDonald's McSatellite for lunch.
October 27 - The 2019 Uruguayan general election takes place.... but noone bothered to vote
October 31 - A fire destroys much of the 500-year-old Japanese Shuri Castle... when asked about the fire, an eyewitness reportedly said "that Shuri was a hot fire"

November 2 – Pirates take nine crew members from the Norwegian ship 'MV Bonita'. It is later learned the 'MV Bonita' is privately owned by Edward Teach, (aka "Blackbeard")

December 8 – India - A fire at a New Delhi, kills 43 salami and at badly burns 50 smoked turkey breast
December 20 - The United States creates the United States Space Force, a branch of the United States Armed Forces dedicated to locating Luke Skywalker.

********** And the beat goes on ***********
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True,

Juba1010

I can almost hear the tune....

Bubble

I saw you got in under the wire there, Juba, don't you mean Ferry cross the Mersey - we were all at the same gig once upon a time ! (❀ᴗ❀)

Juba1010

I think it’s a river near the Mersey.

Bubble

Where exactly is Palsy, somewhere in Ireland near Paisley ? (❀ᴗ❀)

Juba1010

Ha ha ha Bub. Palsy or maybe he’s russian.

rswestley

mpp, I am truly impressed with your knowledge of the French language. Did you work as a translator for the United Nations? Was it your mis-translation that prompted France to try to take back the Statue of Liberty? We're you able to collect welfare after you got fired? There is so much we don't know about you....

Bubble

I didn't know you had palsy - John a few hits of pot might help (❀ᴗ❀)

St Bub, Patron Saintess of Barbs, Jibes, Irony and Sarcasm - I'll take it ! (❀ᴗ❀)

rswestley

Bub, maybe you are on the right side of the grass, but I've never tried it. Oh wait. Yes I did many many moons ago... but I didn't inhale (wink wink nod nod)

rswestley

Yeah.... Saint Bub has a nice ring to it

Juba1010

Not knocking Bubble. Just funnin. And you got that right about the loonies. We are saints. Especially you my friend. :-)

Bubble

Y'all should stop knocking yourselves - life is too short, we're on the right side of the grass, and you are all members of the Jigidi Elite Group.
Oohh, do I sound a little superior? Well, compared to all the loonies you see on the news, we're angels !

ps I have had a strange banging noise coming from my freezer for a few days. Opened it today and a burst 50 year old can of Spam surged out of the top, screamed and fled out the front door. I put out an APB, but its still on the loose, I just hope I don't get feathered and greased with Spam and ridden out of town on a rail ………… oh oh, its knocking at the door :-(((

Juba1010

I was never good at math John. I still have to look up how many cups in a quart. But my kids are both over thirty and understand why I couldn’t be trusted. Or could actually. If that’s clear as mud, then I have succeeded.

rswestley

Juba? Does age and trust have a linear relationship? Now that I am over 60, has my distrustability* doubled from when I was thirty? Since I am over 60, should I distrust anyone over 90? Or, if I put a can of Spam in the freezer, leave it there for thirty years, can I trust it when I thaw out the can of Spam? ...Oh, wait... I'll be dead by the time the can of Spam gets to be 30 years old... so never mind...

*distrustability... a new word for your dictionary... I discovered it all by myself... as I watched the news about congress

morepiecesplz

I think Bonjer Monjer is on one of my posters...

msbonne

My French is superb TIM.

I will give a quick lesson.

Par Laze Views Frankes Silver Plate. = Speak French Please.

Bonjer Monjer = Good day sir.

Murky Buckets = Thank You Very Much.

If I can be of further service, please let me know.

rswestley

So Dawn, you say praise and small treats work just as well on women as it does on a poodle? I'll make a note of that for the next time Fifi comes to visit. Parlay vu fraunsay? (Can you tell I took a year of French in high school... and I am just as good with French now as I was back in high school)

rswestley

ms... I did catch a car once, but I was very disappointed...the tread marks did not go well with my pale complexion

firstdawn

John, tell her lots of praise and small treats work well.

Juba1010

Thanks Bonnie. I though I was becoming invisible. They don’t resent me anymore. They both understand the phrase “Don’t trust anyone over thirty” - Jack Weinberg.

msbonne

DO NOT go and chase cars TIM, you might accidentally catch one.

I would be pleased to send the recipe to you, but it IS a family recipe that has been around for at least 46 million years. Perhaps a small donation to the save this sloth foundation might help. Let's say 2 million USD?

ParsonWayne

Some of those poodles are dog-gone good therapists.

rswestley

Dawn, I was told I have a disscerebral disorder... so now I have a poodle as my therapist. She's teaching me how to sit, stay and fetch. I'm doing better... but still struggling with the 'potty training' concept

morepiecesplz

Juba - you are a good parent... the kids may resent you, but you are a good parent.

firstdawn

John...I've never heard of a tripolar personality. Do you have a dissociative disorder? That would explain it all. LOL

rswestley

Hoff, mpp…. you both disappoint me. When speaking of the greatest bands of our generation you've gotta mention the Aquabats. Songs with depth, introspection and a knowledge of what is important in our daily day-to-day lives. Music for the blue collar worker... Bruce Springsteen's working class image cannot hold a candle to the Aquabats black satin sleeping masks...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJeVHAUq-4Y

a few memorable 'Shark FIghter' highlights...

"I had a girl who was precious to me but a shark took her away, you see
Now I fight sharks not for money, but for love (and that ain't funny, yo)
And here's why: I will avenge my lady with my life
Or until I die in a fight against the underwater army of the night
This rhyme tells the story of the...

Shark Fighter, toughest man in the sea!
Shark Fighter, with his wavy blond hair flowing so freely...

His only goal is a shark casserole
His only creed is to make sharks bleed
He is not mean, he's just getting even
He will not die 'til all sharks cry"

ms, could you send me your recipe for preparing hot water bottles? My hot water bottles always come off the grill tough and chewy...

Juba1010

We used to play Zappa songs when the kids friends were around and sing the words. It’s a parents duty to embarrass their children. Toughens them up for the real world.

Hismorts

Bev-0! What isn't quite right? Now I'm concerned.

Hello Joe. Good to see you and HNY!

msbonne

Zappa was another of my childhood heroes.

Yellow Snow, Bobby Brown, the list goes on and on. Think I have about 15 or more of his albums.

morepiecesplz

Brown Shoes Don't Make It... Why Does It Hurt When I Pee... I m familiar with Frank Zappa. Oddly, the same channel that had the Alice interview had a mini-documentary on Zappa.

msbonne

If you liked any strange compositions from say, Zappa, and fun, quirky lyrics, they are great. Very British in humor, many Mericans do not like them, I, however, and unlike many Mericans.

That was another guy. Frank Zappa, if you looked at him, listened to his music (who names an album Uncle Meat?), tried to follow through the complexities of some of his arrangements, you would KNOW he was tripping, or very stoned. He actually did not do ANY drugs at all. Just naturally weird.

msbonne

They have many songs that you may have heard, but did not realize it. I considered them to be to music like the Firesign Theater was to comedy.

Urban Spaceman was one of their albums (and a song on said album).

morepiecesplz

I looked them up on Wikipedia, apparently there's a YouTube video (Urban Spaceman) I didn't see when I looked there. Will check it out later.

msbonne

I have 3 or 4 of Bonzo Dog Bands albums (maybe more, do not recall). They were very quirky, intelligent, and NOT main stream at all. A bus driver (for school) turned me on to them.

msbonne

I always handle things that are important with a great deal of care.

morepiecesplz

John's been sneakin' around behind me and my posters, cause he's talkin' Death Cab without me... as for you, Sloth, any band with Dog Doo in the name needs to rethink things.

Thanks for the hot water bottle - I'm impressed you didn't puncture it with your nails.

msbonne

Joining late here (I AM a sloth, so no judgement please).

Death Cab For Cutie?

The Mondo Bizzario Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. (as they were originally known), the shortened to the Bonzo Dog Band.

One of the greatest bands of all time.


mpp, I have sent you a bottle of hot water. Should arrive in about a s week.

You can, I am told, eat your neighbors if you cannot get to the store because the roads are impassable.

Let me know, I have some really good recipes.

jb2468

Nicely done, thanks and Happy New Year

manicpuzzler

LOL Brilliant John :)) Happy New Year one and all :))

rswestley

Bev, glad to see you smiling. Even better to see you smiling twice. Did you know that the average adult smiles about 20 times a day? And happy adults smile about 40-50 times a day? I hope this New Year brings you at least 50 smiles each day and that you will share a few of those smiles with your friends here in Jigidiland, aka paradise. Hang in here Bev... there's only 359 more days till Christmas

:)) :))

Juba1010

I was cured of what ailed me by spleen. At least I think that’s what it was. Or some other repaired dog toy. Thanks John. You are a healer. Or some other working breed. :-)))

Bubble

Rambling either physically or mentally is always good exercise. As long as you have your essential emergency supplies of Spoiled Spam and Creamed Spleen, you're good to go. And go you will ! (❀ᴗ❀)

rswestley

Bub, my doctor told me that rambling is something that just comes naturally as we age. If it weren't for the bread crumbs, I would never find my way home. But I wonder why my wife is always hiding the bread crumbs...

oop, my computer is dying... back later

rswestley

Bev, I truly hope your New Year has brought you hope and happiness and thanks for the advice... and I am doing just what you and my therapist advised. Whenever I am feeling low, I sign on to Jigidi. I find annoying people always puts me in a better mood. Jigidi is my 'safe place'. The last time I tried to annoy my wife I spent the afternoon in the emergency getting myself put back together. I should really fire my personality #2 and just keep personalities #1 and #3. I truly hope you are doing well Bev

rswestley

megabelle, I had an uncle that was a crow. Can't honestly say he was real smart. The best thing he ever did was poop on my ex-wife's car

BB, I hope you noticed I'm working on one of my New Years revolutions... it's called restraint. ummmm, does anyone have a pair of handcuffs I could borrow?

Dawn, much to my surprise I have to agree, I enjoy their music also. If anyone want to be daring and try something new, here is the song I referenced in this puzzle - "The New Year"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZq1cYkBmuo

Dusty, you are lucky I used silly string when I posted this puzzle, otherwise you would be stuck here forever... with me (as Dusty goes runs screaming into the night)

ThomasCat… I'm not sure if anyone is aware that all the events I listed for 2019 actually happened, I just added information the media failed to mention.... and now you know why I wasn't hire as the anchorman for the CBS Evening News...

Bubble

I just hope the drugs are keeping the pain level down Joe. (❀ᴗ❀)

wjl1015

Not really much better, just heavily medicated!! LOL :))

Bubble

I hope you're ok too Bev and sure you will take whatever action you need to, to rectify the situation.
We will wait to hear how you are (❀ᴗ❀)

Dear Joe, happy to see you here, and hope you are feeling a lot better or at the very least not in so much pain. (❀ᴗ❀)

ParsonWayne

Random Thought:

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."
The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".
The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"
"No" says the boy, "he minded his own business."

wjl1015

Something is amiss Beverly?? Hope you're ok my friend!! :))

Hi John,
There is a wealth of info.. here and thank you.
When you feel like being grumpy ….just hop on to jigidi. We will listen and then attempt to cheer you up.
I can't see better days ahead, something is amiss. Happy New Year!!!

firstdawn

Never heard of them but their music is nice.

ThomasCat

I love reading historical dissertations like this and learn, to my great relief, that I am not familiar with any of these events!

nanab

I'm digesting this slowly, very slowly. One or two months at a time is manageable.
Thanks for sharing.

rswestley

Juba... there are forces greater than me at work in this Jigidi universe. Your name was on my mailing list, but the Jigidi gods pulled your name out to protect you from my annoying nonsense. You are the chosen one... the one chosen to part the red puzzle and lead us the crossword land... honest! It happened just that way!

(or in other words, I messed up... sorry

wjl1015

So good to see you back MPP!! Maybe an electric blanket will help! If that doesn't work, try getting an old oil drum and building a fire in it. The choice of hobos (I mean the travelling homeless) for many years!! :))

morepiecesplz

Thanks, Bubble, but it's a lost cause... the sun is shining - I'll go out and lift my face one more time to the heat source that has abandoned us... it's too late for me... save yourself...…….

Bubble

Heating pad mpp - or improvise something you can heat in the microwave that will keep warm for a while ? (❀ᴗ❀)

Juba1010

It’s ok John. I don’t feel snubbed. I’ll just put my pork chop back on....

morepiecesplz

Yes, John, it IS almost as bad as you describe... I can't feel my toes, may lose them to frostbite... Bub suggested hot water bottles, but I don't have those and we've been asked to hunker down inside to keep the roads clear for emergency vehicles...

dustydog

Tried to put this puzzle together, but got tangled in the string!
Dusty : )

rswestley

My computer is suddenly experiencing fainting spells, but I will try to respond later today... besides, I have to burn a plastic Viking in effigy before the Saint's game today.... Go Get 'em Drew... And don't forget to take your Geritol… (not a big Saints fan, but I root for all the old guys)

rswestley

59??? OH MY GOSH!!! How do Floridians ever survive in such insane weather? Do you have to wear snow shoes when you walk along the beach? Do you have to put anti-freeze in your surf board? Do you have to wear a scarf and muffler when you go out into the blizzard? (Somehow I have a hard time imagining you ever being 'muffled'... jus' sayin'). If we were on better terms with Australia you could ask to borrow one of their forest fires... but I suppose that would mean we would have to renegotiate our trade agreement...

Stay warm... I will be thinking of you as I lay in the sun in my bikini briefs :-)

Bubble

You've outdid yourself with your 2019 ramblings, John - lets see how many Solves we can garner a la Frozen Waterfall. (❀ᴗ❀)

mpp - hope your heating is counteracting the cold - hot water bottles ! (❀ᴗ❀)

rswestley

One more note before you go running for your bottle of Pepto-Bismal… the picture I used for this puzzle is the album cover of the album "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie. Death Cab for Cutie's song "The New Year" inspired me to write the commentary regarding 2019. A few lines of importance...

"So this is the new year.
And i* don't feel any different."

and
"I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i* could travel just by folding a map"

*I believe the 'i' is not capitalized to signify the insignificance or the unimportance of the individual… just as Nostradamus predicted in 1546, soon an epidemic of invisibilityism will fall upon us all...

morepiecesplz

No, John, I'm here, but it went down to 59F and I'm so bundled up it's hard to type... I may not make it through the winter... I've had a good life... remember me fondly...

I read your year review with great interest, and had to find out how a glacier dies. I found "glaciers slowly deform and flow due to stresses induced by their weight". Holiday binging bites us all in the butt, I guess... deforming and flowing in my future...

rswestley

note to a "mystery guest". Someone (I don't remember who) several weeks ago asked me if I had ever listened Death Cab for Cutie. This 'someone' mentioned a particular song by Death Cab for Cutie but I do not remember which song... Well, the answer was 'no', but now the answer is 'yes'. Thanks to this 'someone' I have been listening to Death Cab for Cutie for the last week and must admit I had to gather all my courage to listen as I was expecting my ears to rot and fall off, but I actually enjoy their music. Thank you 'someone'... wherever and whoever you are....

rswestley

@morepiecesplz - I thought you were back... I hope you didn't catch a case of invisibilityism from reading my comments

@dustydog
@nanab
@clrtexas
@jals
@Max_Tooney
@wjl1015
@msbonne
@Nicepeach2
@ParsonWayne
@djp
@Bubble
@treker
@firstdawn
@mackabroin
@manicpuzzler
@sbwilner
@Hismorts
@bevpuzzler8
@PutterDutt

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