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1. Thanks to modern technology, scientists have been able to positively conclude spelling bees cannot actually spell
2. The scientific spelling of Macropodidae, is M-a-c-r-o-p-o-d-i-d-a-e
3. In Arizona, a law that was passed in 1842 that is still on the books. The law clearly states that within city limits, it is illegal to do anything that is illegal
4. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair and Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers while Susie’s sister sewed socks for soldiers and she sells sea shells down by the seashore while I scream, you scream, we all scream for rubber baby buggy bumpers. I will post the answer on the third Friday previous to the second Tuesday of the last lunar eclipse
5. The Dave Clark Five, often called the DC5, was an English rock and roll band formed in England in 1957. The Dave Clark 5 had many hit singles, including "Glad All Over" "Bits and Pieces", and "Catch Us If You Can". It wasn't until the band broke up in 1970 that an investigative reporter discovered the birth certificates of the DC5 and determined the "5" in the name "Dave Clark 5" meant there were 5 members in the band. It was previously believed the "5" stood for boron, the 5th element in the periodic table of elements. Boron had no birth certificate, which in turn, dismissed the belief that the Dave Clark 5 was merely 5 chunks of musically inclined boron.
6. Many now believe our companion, mpp, will shed her cloak of invisibilitiness and return to her home in Jigidiland as soon as her alter ego "Gort" completes the filming of the remake of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" (1951)
7. Thanks to the scientific advancement of "phonics", it is now believed that "blue" and "blew" are two completely different words. (Blue claims to have been at home sound asleep while Blew has no alibi for his whereabouts on December 6, 2019)
8. Paleontologists, with the aid of carbon dating, radiometric dating and the skeletal remains of a Pet Rock, have determined that the Pet Rock is a direct descendant of Stonehenge in England
9. In today's modern English, the words "occupy" and "pudding" are not only spelt differently, they both have a distinctively different meaning
10. NASA has announced they are hosting a casting call for their upcoming epic, "Mars landing, 2032". NASA is looking for actors/actresses experienced in simulating floating in weightless conditions, capable of deceiving the public and has the ability to remain silent after the movie is released. The science fiction movie, "moon landing, 1969", was a tremendous success and "Mars landing, 2032" is expected to be a top money maker in 2032. Roles are limited, so please do not delay submitting your resume'. (Fans of Monty Python are encouraged to schedule a screen test ASAP).
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Comments

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Mischka

I am fairly sure that this was one of the pictures featured in Cracked.com's multi-year Craptions Contest, and that I submitted a caption or two for it. No recollection now, but I'll do some digging.

I won some of those contests, which was tough going against some really brilliantly witty folks -- just like here...

@Watchman -- "and I send you my love, with a bang on the ear." (Waterboys)

hippo

@ParsonWayne, that boy has preternaturally long arms for a three-year-old!!

ParsonWayne

John, What an awesome responsibility you and I have to keep the Jigidi troops entertained - a job we do not take lightly or darkly. I loved your posts today.
\
Random Thought:

A family had spent the day moving from their farmhouse into a brand-new house in a development nearby.
Very early the next morning, their 3-year-old son ran into the parents’ bedroom to wake them up. His mother dressed him and told him to play in the yard. About 20 minutes later he came running back. He exclaimed, “Mommy, Mommy, everybody has a doorbell – and they all work.

Juba1010

Hopping around with a foot in your mouth is one of the required courses I believe.

Juba1010

It helps to be both stable and unstable to graduate from the school of silly walks.

jals

stable is highly overrated.

hippo

I try not to nudge unstable girls, they tend to fall over.

Pardon my non-PC leanings...

LOL :)) :))

rswestley

What a coincidence... I find myself nudging stable girls also. But in attempt to be politically correct, I nudge unstable girls as well... an no, I have never been slapped hard enough to dislodge my foot in my mouth

hippo

My contrition know no bounds.

If only someone had told me earlier... but in spite of being utterly blameless I can but blame myself for your pedic-oral distress.

I wish you well with your pedi-cure! And here is a word of advice: if you NEVER open your mouth, your foot cannot get in. Of course starvation can be a problem, but nasal feeding is always an option for humans I believe (we ponies cannot do that - we just use our nose for breathing and nudging stable-girls at meal times).

julie88

John I am still waiting for my can of Spam......

rswestley

Some friend you are! You could have told me sooner... I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning a St. Scholl's Hospital. I was always told it is common for men to put their foot in their mouth, but thanks to government funded research it was found that having your foot in your mouth for extended periods of time you may lead to tongue fungus. And with the condition of my toenails, I am considered to be a high risk for contracting tongue fungus, cheek fungus and gum fungus. I will have my foot surgically removed from my mouth to decrease the risk of tongue fungus, and one of the many benefits of having this relatively unknown surgery is that I will be able to enunciate words such as cat, fork and ball without having unwanted piercings in my cheek and tongue. In the future it would be highly advantageous to all of here in Jigidiland if you would share your knowledge of the human toe.... BEFORE surgery becomes necessary...

hippo

If your toenails grow into your vital organs that can be bad.

But relax, if treated early enough they don't get that far...

jals

◕‿↼

firstdawn

Thanks for the laugh! Did the town you live in honor you with a statue?

Judy, You outdid yourself. LOL

John, oh John.....:)) :)) :))

rswestley

I'm on my way to a Dr.s appointment... will continue when I return... IF I return. I've been told ingrown toenails can be fatal....

rswestley

I read that Dave Clark paid his bandmates (Mike, Denis, Lenny and Rick) a 'salary' to be in his band. They got no % of the profits and no royalties. I don't know how much the "other four" got paid, but it must have been a good salary... but after they broke up, the salary was gone. And Dave Clark is still living a life of luxury. To this very day I would like to beat Dave Clark "Anyway You Want It" and "Over and Over"

Even though I was prepared to scream at the DC5 I am glad I didn't now I know what a s*** Dave was to his band mates. I met the Beatles when I was 14 and have their autographs.

Hismorts

What a great pic for you, John! That story about the exterminator rings too close to home for me.

jals

John,
I prefer rich and famous. A straight jacket would not work for me.

Also the account you gave about the Dave Clark Five and the way he cheated his fellow band mates out of money is awful. What an awful person.
BTW - I'll handle the money end of our dynamic duo. *wink wink*

Watchman

Do you take request? I would like to hear some Bluegrass music. If not do you know ‘The whole of the moon’? by The Waterboys. I do hope that NASA hires a few obese actors/actresses for their Mars landing, 2032 movie. That would be entertaining to see them trying to float in weightless conditions, while trying to do silly walks. Thank you for the good laugh it was what I needed to help bright up a cloudy day. ;-))

Bubble

Just to add my two penneth John - when I did temping work in England lo these many years ago, I ended up at Boosey and Hawkes in Edgware, the company that made musical instruments. A lot of pop groups passed through there and I remember the D.C.5 coming in on more than one occasion. Not sure if B and H are still around, but I did buy myself a lovely pair of small bongos which I still use to alert Hubb that dinner is ready!

We used to have a small flock of birds living in one of the superstore branches in Ontario. They didn't make a mess and behaved themselves, but they ended up the same way as yours.
Your man in black certainly got around !

#9 Most Brits don't say pudding or occupy, we say AFTERS for dessert. Don't take my word for it (❀ᴗ❀)

klocowolf

John being a pantomath is no easy task. I'm saddened that you spend your days counting however many breaths you take just to write them down in some journal you will not review, till the end of the year to get some rediculous annual number.

So how many has is been since you fist started this quest?

That picture is excellent one of you. It has captured all of your stunning features.

manicpuzzler

LOL John this nearly had me rolling round the floor. HILARIOUS :)) :)) You are a 'tonic' :))

rswestley

I think I have finally caught up with all the comments. If I missed anyone, my apologies... as a recompense I will send you a can of Spam

rswestley

And Bev... dear Bev thank you for being a long time supporter and thank you for making me look up words I have never heard of. I'm a "Pantomath"? At first I thought Pantomath was a synonym for psychopath... which would be a title more worthy of me than being a Pantomath. Perhaps I should fire my therapist and hire you to help guide me through the swamp... but I should warn you crocodiles scare the crap out of me

rswestley

Joe, I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this... from what I have read, it sounded as if you could use a chuckle (or two)

Judy let's get together and make some music together (blushing)… I mean let's be the next Elton John/Bernie Taupin song writing team. We could be rich and famous... or spend the next dozen years in straight jackets

Redina, don't worry... your secret is safe with me. I won't embarrass you by telling all the others that you "follow" me.... but only if you promise not to tell my probation officer where I am hiding

Yolanda, you are lucky to have had the chance to see the Dave Clark 5. In the early 60's I actually liked the DC5 better than the Beatles. They had a hard, "driving" sound that I really enjoyed. And Mike Smith had a great voice for rock and roll. But later I became very angry when I read about how Dave Clark managed the business dealings and finances of the group, hoarded the profits and got insanely rich but his band mates struggled after the group disbanded. While Dave Clark lived a life of luxury. Mike Smith was the only member to remain in the music business, writing jingles for advertisements. One became a dealer in antiques, one became an estate agent and one dealt with retail businesses, all while Dave Clark retired to a luxury townhouse. Very sad. Sorry, I guess I got carried away....

rswestley

Sherry and Dave, this is a true story (honest). While working in a retail store many years ago, several birds snuck into the store and were being a nuisance. They would land on the aisle markers, they would poop and their poop would run down the face of the aisle markers and the poop would drip onto the floor, the birds were also stealing birdseed without paying and singing ridiculous songs that noone recognized (further proof they had snuck into this country and knew absolutely no English). The boss finally had enough and decided to call an exterminator to rid us of these horrible creatures. Several nights later at around midnight, a mysterious man walked into the store wearing a black trench coat, black hat and dark sunglasses. And by his side he was carrying a black violin case. He silently entered the store and looked around very suspiciously... he was obviously casing the joint, memorizing the layout of the store, noting the number of employees, calculating how much money was in the cash register. His walk was slow and deliberate and as he walked he glanced from side to side but was cautious not to look into any of the employees eyes. He silently approached a counter, placed his violin case on a countertop and slowly opened the case... he pulled out a rifle. He was obviously well trained and he verified the magazine was full and a round was in the firing chamber. He was ready for "business". Several employees ran out the front door, another couple hid in the bathroom and I hid behind a can of lima beans (I knew he would not come close to the lima beans). He disappeared down an aisle and moments later a shot rang out... then another... then another. The only sound to be heard was a soft kerplunk after each shot. Or was it a kaplunk? my memory fades... it was a kerplunk. Definitely a kerplunk. . When he finally returned to the front of the store, he was carrying the bodies of three dead birds. He had fulfilled his contract to silence the noisy birds, he returned the rifle back to the violin case and he disappeared into the night, never to be seen again. After I changed my underwear all the employees gathered together and nervously laughed... the mysterious man was only an exterminator doing his job... and all of us employees went back to being sheep...

(true story... a bit embellished perhaps, but true none the less)

@rswestley

wjl1015

I must say John, you had me ROFL with these!!! Thank you for all the impertinent, I mean important, information!! I had always wondered about the lineage of the Pet Rock, and now I know "the rest of the story"!! :))

rswestley

Juba... you're hired! You can come potty train my dogs any time... but you will have to bring your own snow. Ice and snow are both rationed here unless you own a fast food joint, recovering from a hang over or transporting body parts.

Dusty, I share these facts with the residents of Jigidiland as a public service. I'm glad you find the humor in some of my posts. If you thought I was being serious, I'm afraid they would probably come and haul you away... and if they took you away you wouldn't be able to send me a Christmas present...

PW - Since you are a wordsmith, that surprises me. I may have given you a chuckle today, but all of us owe you a kazillion chuckles. Thanks for keeping your faithful following informed and giggly

jals

lol redina!

redina1

This stuff is hilarious! Thanks! signed, @anyoneelseIhaveoverlooked (I have you on my follow list, so even tho I am at times invisible, I can see TIMs.)

jals

Thanks Bev!
❤️~⛄~❤️~⛄~❤️~⛄~❤️~⛄~❤️~⛄~❤️~⛄~

@jals
You are cool cookie!!! :))

dustydog

Today was one of those days...thanks for getting me laughing again!
Dusty : ))

ParsonWayne

My favorite was # 9 - I couldn't stop laughing

I saw the Dave Clark 5 in Brisbane Australia in 1964. I would have done my share of screaming but I was with my boyfriend who disapproved.
Cheers Yolanda

rswestley

Hanne, you are correct... something substantial is missing. I took two years of German when I was in high school and I remember almost none of it. To refresh my memory I drove a Volkswagen for several years, but it didn't help. I'm still German deficient. Danke for stopping in for a visit!

rswestley

Juba, The Fifth Element was a difficult movie to understand. It's one of those movies that should be seen backwards, much like when a person goes on for a colonoscopy... It's best to walk into the Dr.s office backwards.

jals

BTW #9 is my favorite.
Great picture also. Is that a violin or a gun?

rswestley

Thanks Bub... that helps explain how I broke my nose. I could never understand why some people let their ropes run loose. I think the dog leash law should not only apply to dogs and pet rocks, but should also apply to ropes and steam irons. (Now you know why I lost when I ran for Governor last year)

jals

Bev, look at you slinging those fancy words around. Perfect for John, though, I agree.

John,
You did it again.
You made me laugh,
You made me giggle
You made my belly
Start to jiggle

After the jiggling I started to shake
Which made a mess
While mixing a cake
And now that cake is on my walls
And you John, I'm going to call.
To clean it all.

djp

Yeah, "Wow" is about it Bev. John, now that you ? are out in the rain, what are your plans for the Tommy Gun holder? Or are you a concert something or other, or maybe you are on your way to the Opera? jus wunneren

WOW! John,
You are the Pantomath of AZ.

To your last question...yup...just ask for spelt pudding...several sites...Sherry :)))

Juba1010

Having graduated from the school of silly walks I believe I would be perfect for a role in 2032. So was it four stones of boron that saved the earth in the fifth element? That whole movie confused me. I personally have found that if the little dog keeps going in the house because it’s snowy outside, it helps remind him where outside is if I drop him in a snow bank and make him wait out there while I clean up the mess. And finally, can pudding be made from spelt? ;-)

It would be pretty cool to see an invisible person play the violin...watch that bow...Sherry :)))

hanne9

Something substantiel is missing - kind of - or did it stay at home??

Bubble

How long did it take you to pose for this shot, John, looks like you're about to trip up on the rope lying around ! (❀ᴗ❀)

rswestley

@morepiecesplz
@Juba1010
@dustydog
@nanab
@clrtexas
@morepiecesplz
@jals
@Max_Tooney
@wjl1015
@msbonne
@Nicepeach2
@ParsonWayne
@djp
@Bubble
@treker
@firstdawn
@mackabroin
@manicpuzzler
@sbwilner
@Hismorts
@bevpuzzler8
@PutterDutt
@andanyoneelseIhaveoverlooked

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