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Maj.Gen.Francois Le Bugosii.......

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Today I would like to honour the memory of a great and gallant Bugosi of the past, Major General
Francois Le Bugosii Du Calais..........
In 1811, he led the French army to a glorious defeat against the mighty Bonga-Bongan armed
pensioners division, thereby thwarting the planned invasion Of Bonga-Bonga, and subjugation of our
people......
What actually happened was that Monsieur Le Bugosii somehow managed to get lost while crossing the English Channel, and landed on the small island of Jersey, which in those days was occupied by the sturdy pensioners, not one of whom was under the age of 90.......
When he realised that the land he thought to be Bonga-Bonga was occupied by a band of old men,
tending their cabbage patches, he had a sudden change of heart, and bravely surrendered, uttering
the immortal phrase:-
"I would gladly boil my grandmother in a pot of beef stew, rather than lay a finger upon these heroic pensioners of Bonga-Bonga and their charismatic cabbage-patches"..........
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Comments

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lelabugosi

Hee-Hee!.......I reckon you said "Hi" just to prepare the scene for your real comment.........
And, yes, Devil-with-balls........the lipstick is null and void...............

Oh wow. 129 solves and 129 comments. I wonder how often that happens?!

Hi

Demonabolis

I am soaking in exclamation points to words that have only symbols. The lipstick is null. The lipstick is null. Substitutes are abound for all other things. The lipstick has none. The lipstick is null.

Surreal_Heidi

You are giving the moderately honorable Bugosis a bad name. Shame on you!!!

Elfie

Or in other words: you are no good old Slimy, lie down and stop breathing!!

Surreal_Heidi

Not very skilled at planning what your ''loyal'' customers want, are you, Slimy Roger? One would think that you would know how to cater to your like minded perverts. Maybe you should give up on that emporium of yours.

Demonabolis

This is the almost exactly the same type of scene when a Starbucks runs out of milk for their coffees. Just add more angels and and it'd be difficult to spot the differences.

juneshone

then you need to harangue your purchasing department, they should be able to forecast such things and keep abreast of the situation. Now all the guys will be running round with rough hands, maybe CL would like that. Getting down and dirty so to speak, her little bit of rough......

rogerbugosi

Just passing through, to inform my loyal customers that we are right out of lipstick.......and hand lotion......I really don't know where it all goes..........
Toodle-pip!........

JM_Cookie

I need some hand lotion, my hands are as rough as stones

juneshone

Dear Hanne, you are a tease

Elfie

I think he drinks it!! Biiiig bottles, smooth and fine inward!!

jignut

PUHleeze don't anyone ask him what the hand lotion is for!

Oldfart

It does have nice ring to it. Speaking of ringing...someone is at my door. I believe it is the Avonlady! I wonder if she sells hand lotion? I seem to go through a bottle a week. Heh,heh,heh!

patsquire

Well, I was simply offering a construction (with a ? attached), but it's such a beautiful word, don't you think? Ignoramae. Lovely.

juneshone

right Tom I bow to your superior knowledge, or I'm bored with it now

2dogs7cats

Here's a puzzle for you Lela.
http://www.jigidi.com/puzzle.php?id=XKG8BRX5

ThomasCat

Actually there is no such word as ignoramae....the plural is ignoramuses...

juneshone

I do believe you are right Mr Squire for once. I rather like ignoramae, I will add it to my Greek 'hoi polloi' and we are gathering quite a crowd of the type that ruined TV and are now taking BBC radio apart

patsquire

I know all about what the U.S. Army Rangers mean when they say "contouring" but I suspect you may be meaning something different, perhaps something "new-wave" or some other redneck, Dr. Phil, hippie cr*p.

On the other hand, if you're talking about the sensuous, supple contours on fine wimmens physiques, just call my hotline 1-800-555-getlucky and we can arrange an appointment, or as I like to call it, an assignation.............

Hahahahaha! ROFLMAO!!!!! Your so funny Mr. Squire! Has anyone ever worked on contouring with you?

patsquire

As you'll soon learn Avondahling, there are LOTS AND LOTS of Ding-Dongs here in the wacky world of Bugosiland.

Ding-Dong.........Avon calling! Hahaha, it never gets old. Left the package Ms. Also. See ya next week!

Oh no Heidi, don't be embarrassed! Perfectly honest mistake. I know. As I stated earlier, I myself never wear make-up. I have had a problem, in the past, with eating lipstick (I never lost control) but I'm beyond that now. :-)

Agnes please leave the package next to the dumpster at the rear of Roger's store.

ThomasCat

I'm sure you are embarrassed gawldarn....

Surreal_Heidi

I am SO embarrassed! I confused Avon with Mary Kay. To be honest, I don't use make-up, and have probably gone through 2 tubes of lipstick in my rather long-ish life. I've always felt that soap is the best thing for ones face, not pore clogging make-up. It might be different if my livelihood depended on my looks, rather like Gawldarn and her charming sister.

I totally agree Thomas! Downright embarrassing ain't it?!

ThomasCat

Don't single wimmen out for their amount of lipstick use....their usage is nothing compared to the faces on the avatars on this site!!...yes, the faces of the "men"....

patsquire

American lifestyle magazine Woman’s Day said in April, 2005 that the average woman in America uses her own height in lipstick every 5 years. Why did I ever struggle through a career in international arms dealing, when pandering to wimmen's vanity is so easy and incredibly profitable? Maybe Slimeball Roger has the right idea with his boutique!

(The noun plural should be ignoramae, shouldn't it?)

juneshone

Some object to the use of ignorami as a plural of ignoramus, since it is formed from a Latin verb rather than a noun.

thank you purple one for the something new I have learned today. I still prefer the i rather than the uses ending

gemstone

Ms. Ding Dong...be aware, Roger is a leper among honourable, tasteful wimmen...his trade will only discredit Avon...and thus, limit your sales, and besmirch your good name...it is good, isn't it?

Hi Roger! We carry a complete men's line too!

That's right Thomas! An Avon lady would never drive a pink Cadillac. We'd rather die ourselves blue. Now who wants a catalog?

ThomasCat

Surreal Heidi...you are confusing the Avon ladies with Mary Kay Cosmetics....it was Mary Kay who gave out the pink Cadillacs....the Avon ladies just had their catalogues....

Surreal_Heidi

Shoveling it kinda deep, weren't you, O Ascended_One?

Surreal_Heidi

I think Avon Ladies can take care of themselves. I know they've always scared me! Especially all that PINK!.... even their cars. ....shudder....

lelabugosi

Don't tell him that!!........

ThomasCat

Roger if you really had any fashion sense at all you would know that Avon ladies don't work at emporiums...they come up to your house and hang a catalogue on your doorknob....

rogerbugosi

Oooooh, it was so hot in that closet........anyway, I've come out of it now........so to speak.......
Well, hellooo, Avonlady!.......Do you work at my emporium?.........

Helloooooo everyone. I'm Agnes the Avon lady. I have a case of lipstick, Radiation Red I believe, for Ms. Gawldarn Also. I was told I might find her here?

Elfie

You too MrPogle! I had thought better of you - no, the Ascended One didn't speak, Max Ehrmann did and it was GREAT, thanks Max...

Gemstone please don't take anything Sister sister Also says with a grain of salt. She really hasn't been herself lately. The pile of empty lipstick tubes I found outside her bedroom window leads me to believe she has been eating lipstick again....... and just now I have noticed a very unpleasant odor coming from the hall closet!!!

gemstone

Mr.P...OR??????????????

gemstone

Hi, gawldarn_also...be prepared for a visit from the Fair Trade and Practices gals...they're on their way for a legally signed affidavit from you re: Roger's so-called sale prices. You better tell the truth or you might wind up in the Clink, too!

MrPogle

"Do not take the name of Bugosi in vain".............

The risen one hath spoken - these unprovoked attacks on the hallowed name 'Bugosi' must cease forthwith..............

gemstone

NO peace for El Slimo!!!

Master Henry I'm so sorry to have missed a chance for a fun visit but I was out all day gathering fossils for you. I found several near the river bank in the dog park. I'll save them for you! Hugs and kisses!!

gemstone

And The Slimy One popped in behind my back!!!

gemstone

How enlightening A_Ole...now perhaps you could ZAP Slimy Roger for disobeying "Especially, do not feign affection". Good thing I'm back, SH...I'll line up one of Juneeeee's oxygen tanks for you...just in case Sis Ineeda prevails...and I'll call in The Fair Trade and Practices group to check up on Roger's sale prices via gawldarn_also's testimony...and then...

rogerbugosi

Jolly good speech, o Risen-Thingy.........We have a nice new line in satin bathrobes at my emporium - you must pop round for a looky!.........
P.S. May we dunk the witch tomorrow?.....
Toodle-pip, your worshipfulness!

Children of Bonga-Bonga, There will be no dunking.....not now anyway. We do not judge who is wrong or right, right or wrong, write wrong or wrongfully write. The only way to enlightenment and ascension is the way of peace. Bugosians all remember:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, "Desiderata".

We are with you now as we have been always and always will be.

Elfie

Anyway not to become more human - if we do understand the same saying so...

Surreal_Heidi

That is one thing I'm NOT sure of, especially when I hear about politicians trying to deny rights to women and minorities. Sometimes I think the human race hasn't evolved in 10,000 years.

Elfie

I would doubt it too, Varda!! It seems to be VERY dark sometimes.... here.....even with lights on!

Oldfart

Granny,no need to bring your own spoon. Oh, and I forgot to mention......don't bring any candles like you did last time. I had a hard time explaining the burnt walls to the insurance company.

Plumpossum

SurHeidi, are you sure about not living in the Dark Ages any more?

Surreal_Heidi

Obviously, IF I'm a witch, I'm a GOOD witch. Like Samantha in ''Bewitched''. Or maybe like Endora. Most witches are good, but like all intelligent people don't suffer fools gladly. Only primitive ignoramuses think witches are evil and need to be dunked. We don't live in the Dark Ages any more, people!

kaleidoboy

I'm not allowed to eat cabbage, in company........

sweetlittleoldgranny

Hellooee, Mr.Fart!.......
Shall I bring my own spoon?........

Oldfart

Would anyone care to join me and CL? I just cooked up a big pot of cabbage stew.

Elfie

Medieval way of thinking - oh, haven't you come any further?? Wake up to reality, Bonga-Bonga....

lelabugosi

No,no,no...............yes..............If she survives the dunking, she is a witch, if she drowns then she is innocent........all very fair.........

Elfie

Is dunking the same as destroying?......

lelabugosi

The witchcraft practised by the-blue-one is evil, as she plans to destroy the whole of the Happy Bugosi Family.........We have to defend myself.......I mean, ourselves!..........

Elfie

"The sacred tadpoles know absolutely nothing about the black arts.....they are untainted by evil and shall forever remain that way....." who says that witch craft is evil? It works differently and in a very surprising way - nothing, I say, NOTHING can feel safe from it as it's part of nature and nature is bigger than us... nature IS sacred even if we have forgotten all about it... Heidi you can't but win... I would gladly help you with some good and strong vibrations to make things wake and work....

patsquire

I believe it was Wilt Chamberlain's mother who said, "Kids just don't look up to their parents any more!"

Oh and one more thing. I have been receiving a lot of inquiries on what brand of powder I'm holding up all of the time in my photo. Ha ha ha.....that isn't a compact I'm holding, it's my computer. Silly gooses I don't even wear make-up! I've never had a need for it.

Uh duh?......Everyone knows Roger's Emporium's half price sale on everything that has been marked up 65% sale is in progress! The place is packed!

Yes! Yes! Yes. All good and moral Bugosians grab your lighted torches and meet me at the Tiki Bar down by the beach!

lelabugosi

The sacred tadpoles know absolutely nothing about the black arts.....they are untainted by evil and shall forever remain that way...........so there!

Surreal_Heidi

Aren't you afraid that I might ruin the tadpoles for future wine use?

lelabugosi

A confession!....We have A CONFESSION!............To the tadpole pond!.........To the north end of the tadpole pond!

Surreal_Heidi

When I was a child, my mother used to tell me that I was a witch. She said that the one sure-fire way of telling is that witches cannot stand the touch of gold on their skin. I have never liked gold, and refuse to wear any, ever. Maybe I am a witch. If so, a certain slimy little rat, and a slimy bigger rat, had better watch out.

Surreal_Heidi

Yeah! Lets get things back to some semblance of law and order! Dunk that Slimy Roger and the slimy little brat MasterBate....ummm...Henry, who has NO respect for his elders!

Elfie

Why not let Sis Ineeda dunk that slimy Roger and just as slimy Henry, they could dunk her afterwards for accusing a good, decent woman of horrifying things which are vertical lies and ought to be considered a criminal act of wickedness and contempt for a fellow inhabitant of Bonga-Bonga. Aren't there any just justice in this country???

lelabugosi

Cabbages, witches, leather trousers, fossils..........for once, Mr.Squirt, I almost believe you..............

patsquire

I rarely, indeed almost never, feel the need to admonish the assembled masses of Bugosiland, but this is COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL! Try, try, try with all your might to return to some level of sanity, everybody! My goodness!

MasterHenry

Auntie Also.......I'm hoping for some fossils - like the one I found in the garden the other day!........
Can I come and visit tomorrow?.........I'll wear my leather trousers - the ones you say I look so smart in............

rogerbugosi

Well, HELLOO lovely ladies, Sis-Ineeda and ms.Also-as-well!..............
I have to agree with you both....BURN THE WITCH!..........(or dunk her)........

JM_Cookie

It's so cold here, this year every one gets cabbage for Christmas

Master Henry you stay clear of that blue one! What are you hoping Santa brings you for Christmas this year?

That Heidi woman is a witch AND she's possessed. Be very careful Mr. Bugosi not to allow her to confuse you or to cause doubt in the validity of your truths. Can I have HER taken to the dunking chair at the north end of the tadpole pond? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE? CAN I HUH?...CAN I MR. BUGOSI? PLEEEEAAAAASSSSSE!? I never get to dunk anyone anymore!

MasterHenry

She is definitely insane.............

Elfie

Oh no, Lela, she is just questioning to learn more!! But on the other hand - aren't we all just a little bit or more insane - to be Bonga-Bongans? In a good way I mean... of course......life is so much more fun like that....

lelabugosi

Hanne-with-pipe.....I believe she has simply lost her marbles........ is off her trolley.........has lost the plot.........has gone bonkers.........in other words, I believe her to be....INSANE!!!!!!

Elfie

Ohhh, Heidi, you are really tough at putting questions!! Are you a policewoman or a lawyer or a judge or a private eye in your unreal life?....

Surreal_Heidi

Is that a common occurrence with Bugosis? I vaguely remember previous cases of amnesia among you lot.

lelabugosi

I believe his mother went to France on vacation, slipped on a piece of camembert cheese, and banging her head, suffered memory loss.......that is all I know........

Surreal_Heidi

And here I thought that all of those illustrious (or infamous) Bugosis were from Bonga-Bonga. What happened? Was his family exiled?

lelabugosi

Oh dear....must I explain EVERYTHING?!........General Bugosii was French by birth, descended from the illustrious Charlemagne du Bugosi........He was the most respected General in France - and knew a lot about snails.......apart from the unfortunate incident with the beer spittle...............

Surreal_Heidi

If the French were after your snails and tadpoles, why was General Bugosii leading them?

Elfie

Well, thanks dear Gawldorn for this wonderful quotation!! I'll make it mine immediately!!
And dear TomKitty, this is just a wonderful thought!!
And my dearest Lela!! Here is something I DO understand, Flash the snail!! Having had the garden so full of snails that I could hardly move I know something about beer and snails. Thanks so VERY much for this brilliant story from the real life!!

In the words of my dearly departed mother.....who is no longer with us.....due in part to a month long bout with the flu "the more you stir it the worser it stinks."

patsquire

Ach, oy, geez, lelabug, in your own words, "Nothing rude ever sullies these pages...." And then you, yourself personally speak of spitting (ugh! I can't say it) expectorating on slimy snails carried around in uniform pockets, and gaseous gasses of the intestinal intestines, and who-knows-what will be next! Physician, heal thyself!

lelabugosi

Mrs.Surreal, let me explain something.........The French were after our giant snails, and had also as well heard of our budding tadpole industry........At that time, it was widely believed that snails had a kind of sixth-sense, whereby one snail could point the way to another over a huge distance........In fact the French had bred a super-snail (named Flash) which, after sampling the saliva of any person, would point the way to the place of origin of that person's ancestors.........so, the General, though not having the faintest idea of the location of Bonga-Bonga, carried in his pocket the secret weapon of all secret weapons - Flash the snail.........After spitting on Flash, he awaited the tell-tale pointing of the antennae-thingys, to guide him..........he waited....and he waited.......and he waited.......There was no movement from his trusty snail ally........for Flash had gone to the giant lettuce leaf in the sky.......
Turned out that the General had drunk one or two beers before setting off on the planned invasion, and spitting on his guide......and, as we all know, beer is a deadly weapon against slugs and snails......

I have gone out of my way to enlighten you on this important piece of history, as you are sadly lacking in knowledge of past world events......I hope this helps you to see the light...........

patsquire

Ahhhh, the wisdom of Dennis the Menace, as told to devoted Bugosilanders by our seldom-seen favorite, a direct descendent of an actual deGaulle-Darn! And in response let me add some of my own favorite Dennis the Menace wisdom, "Why do I have to go to bed at night when I'm not sleepy, and get up in the morning when I am?"

When JM pile-o'-rocks requests expertise, he gets it! This is Bugosiland, where all knowledge is on tap for the asking from our assembled menagerie of experts, masters, solons, geniuses, masterminds and connoisseurs (which is a Frenchish word from France and is pronounced con-WASS-see-ay). In the international arms-dealing community we have a standard joke. "Wanna buy a French Army rifle? Never been fired. Only been dropped once. (Pantomime throwing the rifle down and raising both hands in surrender.)"

Good morning Bugosilanders! A giant Thanksgiving feast on Thursday, followed by a long, long tryptophan-induced coma, followed by delicious turkey sandwiches yesterday, which brought on ANOTHER tryptophan coma last night, and I'm delighted to say that in less than 48 hours I have slept for more than 24 hours, and I FEEL GREAT. I've been trying to fight off a lingering bout of the flu for almost a month, and this was just what I needed. Happy days are here again!

Surreal_Heidi

Come here, naughty MasterHenry. You need a good spanking. You need to show respect for your elders, you brat!

MasterHenry

I agree with everyone.......apart from that nasty, nasty lady in blue.......
Helloo, auntie Also-too-as-well!

Totally agree with you SH it makes a lot of sense.

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